That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
