And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
