someone threw a dead crab at me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
