Nicole vs. Life
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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