i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
