I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
