If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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