so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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