i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
