Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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