dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
