im gay
i know
yea but for you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
