btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
