If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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