You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
