I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize