Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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