Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
