We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
