i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
