I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
