I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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