Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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