hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
