Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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