my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
