cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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