physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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