I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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