So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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