I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
