So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
