Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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