I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
