I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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