so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
