there was a trapeze. enough said
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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