so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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