he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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