I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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