you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
