We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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