Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
