C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
