he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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