got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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