what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
