are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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