i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
