I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your penis caused this!
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