Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
