Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
