he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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