My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
