god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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