if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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