I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
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wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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