Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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