So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
