i would punch a child for taco bell
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
try to milk me bitch
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