My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
