i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
