I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
