I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
